At piano camp they practice for three hours a day.

That’s the part my 14-year-old daughter remembers when she’s getting ready to go again this year. She puts off packing for the week-long overnight camp because she’s nervous. She tries not to be, because it’s her second year, and you’re not supposed to be nervous your second year. But she is. She remembers how hard it was last year, including the master classes and two performances, and she also remembers how much fun it was, and how she came home with a bunch of new friends who live in interesting places (this is a camp people travel for).

I remind her: You chose this place for a reason. In fifth grade, she picked a sleepaway horse camp where she didn’t know a single person, just to meet new people. She had a blast.

Now her younger sister, who’s 10 and a bit more anxious, is getting ready for her first sleepaway camp. It’s an outdoor Girl Scout camp where she knows exactly one person. She’s scared of bugs. And the dark. And that she won’t fall asleep. And that she will fall asleep and wake up in the middle of the night and not know what to do.

We’ve had so many talks. Mostly she asks questions I don’t have great answers for: What if my flashlight breaks? What if I don’t like the food? What if a spider climbs into my sleeping bag? What if I hate it? I try to walk the line between honesty and not being a complete bummer: Your flashlight might break. You might not like the food. There probably will be spiders. And also, it’ll be okay. You will have so much fun before and after anything not fun.

Which is what I want her to know — not that camp will be magical or unforgettable, but that she can handle things being weird and a little uncomfortable, or scary, and still come home feeling proud.

I keep thinking about the way we prepare kids for things. The way we try to make everything easier, cleaner, smoother than it really is. But there’s no shortcut for learning how to do hard things. Growth doesn’t happen by avoiding the fall-apart moments. It happens by going through them. I think the problem is that so much parenting revolves around the fear that our kids will cry, or breakdown, or freak out, and maybe getting to that place — we’ve all been there — is actually the point.

I’ve let my younger daughter know that getting picked up isn’t an option. I worry about how that sounds, but I don’t want her to get the wrong idea — that I don’t think she can handle it, or that I believe the crummy times will outweigh the new-found independence and friendships. She would feel my lack of confidence in her if I were to offer an early-exit plan. It’s rooted in love of course, but what it sounds like is: you probably won’t make it.

And really, that fear is usually ours, the parents. It’s hard to send them away. It’s unbearable to imagine her crying, alone in a sandy bunk bed or wandering across camp at night, covered in spiders and without a flashlight that works. But if we step in too quickly, we short-circuit the part where they prove to themselves they’re OK, and that being filled with all the feelings of a living human animal is thrilling, beautiful, and sometimes, really uncomfortable.

There’s a version of parenting where I say, “You’re going to love it!” and pack the duffel bag with cute notes and hope for the best. And there’s another version where I sit on the edge of the bed and say, “You’re probably going to cry at some point. That’s normal.” Both are useful, depending on the kid and the day.

And guess what? Midweek, we got an email from my daughter at piano camp (she’s allowed 10 minutes a day): “I did the master class yesterday which was highkey scary but I’m glad I took that leap. Everyone here is so nice I can’t stress that enough…I was planning on having an easy time here this year but I’m not complaining, it’s been really fun.”

She’s doing it! She’s playing her song in the concert. Learning a 10-page duet. Freaking out, sure, but doing it anyway. That’s how learning works. You don’t wait to feel ready. As for the Girl Scout camper, we’ll see. I’ll find out more at pickup this weekend. I can’t wait to hear all about it, and to tell her how proud I am.

I want them to go. I want them to leave the toothbrush on the cabin floor and get bug bites in weird places. I want them to perform at the piano camp concert whether they mess up or nail it. I want them to walk across the forest in the dark and realize the worst part is over — they’re already doing it.

They don’t have to love it, they just have to show up. That’s the whole thing. Just do the camp.

Seattle-area sleepaway camps for kids (and parents) who are ready:

Camp Killoqua (Stanwood) – Classic lake-and-campfires setup. Also offers horse, lifeguard training, culinary camp, and a grief camp.
Camp Orkila (Orcas Island) – YMCA camp with cabins, water, lots of boating, and big-group games.
The Mountaineers (Stevens Pass) – Rustic overnight camp for kids who love the mountains.

Not quite ready for sleepaway? Here are a few standout day camps:

School of Rock – Music-focused camps with live performances.
Woodland Park Zoo Camps – Outdoor day camps inside the zoo.
Seattle Children’s Theatre Camps – For the drama kids (in the best way).